What does pity dating mean

I don't really care that you're talking about me behind my back, but why do you care so much about my life in the first place?

I can't attend any family get-together without people asking me why I'm not dating.

I see it all around me, where someone acquires a disability and everyone assumes either that the person’s partner will feel ‘an obligation to see it through’ or will leave now, because, you know, of the nondisabled partner to go ahead and stay anyway. Although we are often framed as objects of pity and sadness by the media, although many campaigns intended to raise awareness about disability issues play the pity card hard, pity is a shitty foundation for a relationship. Those founded on other things, like say mutual interests or love or, gasp, sexual attraction? The disability is part of the relationship, it may complicate it at times, but it’s not a relationship ender or dealbreaker, and isn’t treated as such.

Because what would a disabled person have to add to a relationship, even one that predated the disability? I always say that wanting to leave someone because of a disability is a shitty thing to do, although disabilities can certainly intersect with larger relationship issues and may ultimately contribute to a decision to separate.

If I was running a race with my husband and he wanted to stand far away from me, we'd have bigger issues.

People are frustrated and confused by the fact that I enjoy being single.

This is not my idea of a good time, or anyone’s, I imagine; would want to be involved in a relationship with a disabled person is the thought that we are not choosy or picky about relationships because we cannot afford to be.

Now, I'm not saying they're all going to be of great quality, but you're going to get dates. Don't pity me or try to figure out who you can set me up with. I can't even get a pet fish because I don't have the time to take care of it.

That's literally the last thing I want (other than a relationship). Maybe it's for some really personal reason, and I should not be put on the spot to explain it to you. I'll lay them out very clearly: I literally do not have the time to dedicate to someone else. I have several large goals I'm working on accomplishing and several hobbies that take up a lot of my time. I also live in a city where there are very few single men at all, let alone single men I would even be slightly compatible with.

One of the relationship tropes that irks me most when it comes to talking about partnerships where at least one person is disabled is the idea that the relationship only exists because of pity, often paired with the idea that disabled people will take any relationship they can get out of fear that they will be alone forever, sobbing quietly in a dark cornerthe other day, and there’s a scene where Nate keeps pressuring Brenda as they fight about their relationship, which is kinda falling apart (this is an Alan Ball show, you think it’s going to depict happy, functional relationships?! For those not familiar with the show, Nate has an arteriovenous malformation that plays a central role in the show and in this scene, he says that Brenda only wants to stay with him out of pity, as he’s recently told her about the diagnosis.

Brenda looks at him and basically says ‘dude, if I didn’t want to be with you, I’d leave you.

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