Boundaries in a christian dating relationship
That rule, trying to grow facial hair, and being prematurely overconfident about my ability to actually convince girls to come to my room are the only things I remember about my freshman year of college. “We were just trying be faithful to our boundaries” isn’t going to ease the awkwardness.
I got a “Values Violation” for having my door propped open only 4.5 inches while studying with a female Spanish tutor that I wasn’t the least bit attracted to.
“No members of the opposite sex in your rooms, except from -pm on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and only after they’ve signed in. And sexual issues can totally undermine even the most well-intentioned, Christ-centered relationships. But sometimes physical boundaries in dating relationships can often toe the line of legalism. If, “No laying on the couch together, when its past midnight, when we’re alone in the house, when the lights are off, when Conan is over, when we’re under a blanket, when the barometric pressure is below 30, when I don’t have to work in the morning, when you’re not wearing a turtleneck” is one of your boundaries…then you probably have too many boundaries. Your boundaries include the phrase “only once a month.” If you have a clause that states ‘If we follow these rules faithfully for a month we get to reward ourselves by engaging in 30 minutes of premarital spooning once per month”…then your boundaries/motives for actually having boundaries probably need to be reevaluated. Your boundaries include the words “but only when we’re standing up.” Anything that you can do laying down, you can probably do standing up. Or my personal favorite, we can kiss, but not for ‘extended’ periods of time.
While a guest is in the room, the door must be propped open a minimum of six inches.” Seriously, this was a rule. Here’s when you know your physical boundaries in dating relationships have gone too far. And now it’s going to look REALLY awkward when your roommate accidentally walks in on you. Good luck defining those adjectives when you’re in the moment.
Decide what’s best for yourself and your boyfriend or girlfriend: “I can’t cross this line because I don’t know where it will stop.” Can we go into it like that and have God honor it?
So even though I’m telling you not to have sex before marriage, after marriage it’s a different story.
So in your dating relationship, set clear boundaries.
Going through the motions of something because you faintly remember learning it was the right thing to do, will eventually leave you feeling frustrated and tired of not being “authentic” (doing what you’d really rather do).
Success in this area especially must have the right motivation to bring the essential conviction for following through.
But your roommate’s little sister who just learned how to read probably shouldn’t be asking you, “What are boobs? What do you think about physical boundaries in Christian dating relationships?
Unless you have really good reasons to motivate you, maintaining physical boundaries in your courtship will crumble like the walls of Jericho when you really like someone and have become emotionally close to them.