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What if the prospect of finding an ever-more-compatible mate with the click of a mouse means a future of relationship instability, in which we keep chasing the elusive rabbit around the dating track?
” The Atlantic “Unfortunately, neither Jacob’s story nor any of the evidence offered compellingly answers the questions raised.
The excerpt was a 2,200-word condensing of a 6,500-word chapter from a book, and overall the excerpt was a 40th of the book.
I don't believe that online dating leads to the demise of monogamy; I was making a far narrower point.
The framing changed it from a conversation about how new access to people online seems to affect at least one well-established determinant of commitment, and how that may lead to both better relationships and a decrease in commitment, to a discussion about the demise of monogamy.
The Atlantic is a magazine, and it's no secret that it's a very provocative one.
"In the excerpt, Slater doesn't answer these questions conclusively, but he does give an example of a young man who feels that online dating has encouraged him to play the field, and he quotes a dating site exec who wonders whether the efficiency of Web matchmaking will make marriage "obsolete." In this day and age, them's still fighting words, and the Atlantic knew it.
The magazine's website was quick to host a handful of responses to Slater's piece, as writers all over the Web piled on.
Or a guy writing in his profile that he wants a young, thin, woman with big boobs and a hunger for cooking and oral sex. Until you really get that the very nature of online dating means that thousands of men are browsing thousands of women – and that pretty much every one is trying to trade up for the youngest, cutest, funniest, coolest woman on the website – you’re gonna put yourself through a lot of unnecessary heartbreak. So instead of trying to rewrite the rules to online dating, how about you start playing by the existing rules? Rather, it is the way we make sense of these behaviors, the values and labels and portent we place on them, that will evolve."He resists making any sweeping predictions (although some of his sources do not): The takeaway from the book isn't that online dating is necessarily killing monogamy as a whole, but that it is influencing the way, and whether, people pair up, and what those relationships look like, in a multitude of ways.More than anything, Slater sees technology as a healing salve for one of the worst feelings there is: loneliness.I don’t know—maybe because we’re not all aimless and lazy thirtysomething straight dudes?Jacob may be meeting a buffet of sexy professionals and college students through his online dating profiles, but those women are meeting …Though I have said expressly in my profile that I prefer a single focus and want to be told if someone has other people in their lives (so I can figure out how to deal with it,) I keep having to find out well into the hot pursuit phase. Should I just get over hoping for monogamy so early in the game? One I feel I must have answered before, but can’t really remember. I just feel the other people involved would be hurt if they knew the exchanges their lover is having with me, even if it’s just over the phone, and making plans to meet. To put a fine point on it: yes, you’re hopelessly mired in tradition. It’s a blind spot shared with pretty much every single person who is dating online. The most pervasive trait that I see in online dating is mind-numbing hypocrisy. The Atlantic recently published an excerpt from journalist Dan Slater's upcoming book.The piece was headlined, "A Million First Dates: How Online Romance Is Threatening Monogamy," and was accompanied by a series of illustrations showing a scruffy young guy who is more riveted by his online dating service than the women in his real life (surely you can picture the artwork without even seeing it; just imagine any illustration that has ever accompanied an article about video games or porn).I live in a small retirement community with few men my age (54,) so online dating gives me access to a much broader field.It also means a much longer introductory phase, and an awkwardly pressured scenario – if on meeting we are not attracted. But in the course of the protracted conversation, when the tone becomes increasingly intimate and anticipatory, I have to repeatedly face the unexpected revelation that the man I am “involved” with is involved, literally, with someone else, typically, an old girlfriend who is now a sex partner and good friend.