Antisocial personalities and dating
Jekyll usually comes out to play with buddies, co-workers, employees, students, etc: people with whom the psychopath maintains relatively superficial relationships. Jekyll also becomes Don Juan–an incredibly seductive lover–in the beginning of some romantic relationships, when a psychopath wants to put on the best possible image in order to conquer a woman, heart, body and soul.But since his positive image is only an illusion, he can’t maintain it over time, in intimate relationships. Hyde occurs in the psychopathic bond for four main reasons: a) the positive traits are not real parts of a psychopath’s true character b) as the romantic relationship deepens it also loses its novelty and excitement, so the psychopath invests less and less energy in putting up a front of romance and charm and keeping straight the tangled web of lies c) psychopaths enter romantic relationships to dominate others, which in turn leads them to engage in increasingly abusive and controlling behavior with their partners d) to control you, psychopaths engage in Pavlovian conditioning: the carrot and the stick.In other words, they will dish out whatever you will put up with. It means understanding that some human beings have no real qualities: that they are irredeemably bad.But only once you face this harsh reality–rather than focusing on the positive memories of the Dr.
The more control they gain over you, the more they no longer feel the need to reward your “good” behavior (i.e., complying to their will) and resort to giving you the stick (all sorts of punishments, ranging from threats, to cheating, to criticism, to periods of abandonment or emotional withdrawal followed by reconciliations, to physical violence). It means accepting that even the good memories are lies.But because deep inside they have malicious natures and bad intentions, they usually can’t maintain that kind of charismatic front in long-term relationships, consistently, over time. These are the cardboard cutouts of life-size people you see in Blockbuster Video.This is why their true nature tends to show up most in their intimate relationships with their wives, families or long-term lovers. The psychopath and the stage of luring are as shallow and phony as the cut out.They’re an obvious red flag in any romantic relationship.Somebody who treats you nicely but speaks badly of other women or, worse yet, mistreats other women will eventually mistreat and disrespect you as well.It’s also what tends to scar victims most, because eventually they realize that the entire relationship, from start to finish, was a fraud.It’s like coming crashing down from great (but artificial) heights to unbelievable (and very real) lows. This is why vast inconsistencies in your partner’s behavior should be taken seriously, early on.Generally speaking, psychopaths tend to be great at putting up a front, or a mask, of normal behavior: often of better than normal behavior, in fact!We’ve seen that they’re charming, sociable, friendly, funny, loads of fun: particularly in superficial contact. This is why over time you begin to see inconsistencies in behavior, or oscillations between the real Hyde nature and the Dr. As Sandra Brown and Liane Leedom explain: “What really occurs is that the women fall in love with a life-size cardboard cut out which is a ‘look-a-like’ of a real man.As they try to align themselves with his belief system, he shifts.As they try to align with his behavior or promises, these shift.” (, 119) Dr.